Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
