dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
