I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
