so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
