but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
