im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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