we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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