My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
