apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
