next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
