The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
