It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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