Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
