It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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