i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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