garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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