she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
