i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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