I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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