I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
