You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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