I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
