Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
