Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
