There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
