Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
