and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I smell like Dick and happiness
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
