I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
