Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
