another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
