DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
