my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
