Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
