I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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