Fuck appropriateness.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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