Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
