so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
