): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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