turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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