today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
