She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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