There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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