I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
