well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
