dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
