So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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