The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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