Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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