her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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