I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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