there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
